No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
