no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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