You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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