If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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