There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
