You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I love you. Go after that dick
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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