Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
