I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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