I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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