Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
