"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
