What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
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I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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