Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
