I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
