im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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