Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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