Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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