Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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