I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
