she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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