come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
