lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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