everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
