speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
