U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
