Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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