I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
