all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
