The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
