I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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