She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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