My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
