Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
