i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
