He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
