I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
