Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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