Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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