let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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