I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize