my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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