I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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