dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
