You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
