god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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