That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
