Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
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all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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