I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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