just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
