It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
