hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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