just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
