The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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