Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
