peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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