We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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